Citizen Krumm
by Save Fearow
Summary: Zimbo is running for Academy President and the only one who will oppose him is Krumm? Oh, this can't be good...


Citizen Krumm

an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic

by Save Fearow

Author's Note: Krumm was nowhere near as prone to ego bursts as his friends were (hello Mr. Vice Guy, Ickis), but they DID happen from time to time. Still, I like how quick he always was to snap back and apologize. You'd be hard-pressed to find a better monster friend... pimples and all.

The Gromble relished the attention as he addressed the class. "This could be a verrry special moment for any one of you, because today is the day you will nominate a monster for the decades-long position of 'Academy President'. This is not a job to take lightly as it will entail plenty of HARD WORK and discipline, but it will also bring about great FAME and glory as only the President will be allowed to personally give me advice on the upcoming curriculum. I will ignore them, of course, but the OPPORTUNITY will be there." explained the Gromble.

A simpering voice buzzed in the background. "I nominate the best candidate, Zimbo, my own self. And the Snorch seconds it." Zimbo added, although he didn't wait for the larger monster to mumble anything.

"Very well, Zimbo is our first candidate. Who will run against him?" the Gromble demanded.

Ickis groaned. "Sign me up for the Anti-Zimbo party." he muttered.

Oblina looked horrified. "Please, no. Tell me you are NOT running, just because your father unanimously held this position." Oblina begged.

"Why would I do that?" Ickis questioned. "First off, it's a popularity contest, so that automatically counts me out. And second, being Academy President is just a bunch of sloganeering, and empty promises, and forcing everybody to do things the way you want all the time. I could pull that off for a week maaaybe, but even -I- have limits." he sensibly detailed.

Oblina favored him with a smile. "Icky, that's the most mature thing I've heard you say all year!" she paused, considering. "You haven't cloned yourself again, have you?"

"Yeesh. A fellow makes a few, separate manifestations of his personality just ONCE, and he never lives it down!" Ickis grumbled. "You're practically the teacher's pet, Oblina. Why don't you run, you'd appeal to the nerd contingency. It's a fairly sizable subgroup."

"You should know, as they all turned you down for their Ultra Monster Fanclub membership." Oblina pointed out.

"They just don't want to lose at cosplay." he insisted.

Oblina shook her head. "I'd prefer to remain a-political. Mumsy always cautioned, 'Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely.'" she reasoned.

"Isn't ANYONE going to run against Zimbo?" snapped the Gromble. "The lack of ambition and Academy Pride has left me supremely chagrined. I'm tempted to Snorch every last one of you until SOMEBODY starts displaying an interest in the democratic process."

"I can process mold, is that similar?" Krumm wondered.

The Gromble sighed. "No Master Krumm, it is nothing like mold farming."

Krumm looked downcast. "Too bad. It sounded kinda fun." he stated.

Ickis' ears perked up. "Ooh, ooh, I second that! Let's have Krumm for President! I wanna second the nomination more than my Dad wants seconds on pie!" he enthusiastically proclaimed.

Krumm licked his lips. "They give pie to the President?" he wanted to know.

"They always gave Dad some." Ickis promised.

"Alright, I'm in." Krumm declared.

"Zimbo versus Krumm. This should be interesting." the Gromble drawled. "A match-up like that invites so many possibilities for misery and woe."

"I think you'd make a superlative President, Krumm." Oblina told him. "If you need our help, you just ask for it. I wouldn't mind writing a few speeches, you can never have enough practice at written compositions."

"I'll make signboards and buttons and EVERYTHING. Bradley says advertisement is more important than content when picking a world leader." Ickis informed him.

"Although content should always be at the forefront of a voter's mind." insisted Oblina.

"They'll remember the content better if it's painted on every banner and plastered to every poster." Ickis argued.

"But it is the candidate's ACTIONS that truly reflect his character, Ickis. The slogans should only underscore what he personally makes clear through his very precise and well-thought out platform." Oblina declared.

"I don't know about platforms, you guys. I tried wearing the Gromble's shoes once and they were awfully pointy..." Krumm complained.

"Just leave everything to us." Oblina promised. "We shall be the best Campaign Managers you ever had, because you are the best friend we have ever known."

Krumm beamed. "Thanks guys. You two are always so awesome!" he cheerfully announced.

"There you are, Krummy, your very own copy of your first Presidential Speech." Oblina proudly handed him a sheet of paper. "I've attached footnotes to all the more difficult words, in order to provide you with a phonetic spelling and a more complete definition."

"Yeah, and you've made it easier to pronounce them, too!" Krumm noted. "Thanks, Oblina."

"You are most welcome." she graciously acknowledged.

"Y'think that's something, look in this box!" Ickis slammed a large cardboard container on the table. "I've painted dozens of bottlecaps to match your eyes, Krumm, and I attached fish-hooks to the back so you can pin 'em up and let everyone know 'My Candidate Is The Krummiest.'" Ickis declared.

"Surprisingly clever and eye-catching. Good job, Ickis." Oblina complimented him.

"Yeah! These are gonna work great! Thanks, buddy." Krumm offered his sincerest admiration.

"Hey, what are friends for?" Ickis asked. "Be careful picking 'em up, they sting a little." He absently sucked a trickle of blood off one of his claws.

"Ickis, you're the one who needs to be cautious. Put this bandage on your claw and behave." Oblina admonished.

"I would've taken care of it." Ickis insisted, but he obeyed Oblina and placed the bandage over the wound anyway.

"It's almost time for the Gromble to call you up to give your opening statements, Krummy. Don't be nervous because we both know you are going to be fantastic." she confidently allowed.

"Yeah, I would vote for you even if you weren't running against Zimbo. I just consider that an added bonus." Ickis admitted.

"I'm so glad to have you two backing me up. I'll do my best out there." Krumm vowed as he toddled towards the stage. Ickis and Oblina waited excitedly as the Gromble began introducing the two monstrous candidates.

"It is with utmost pleasure and pride that I introduce you limp leeches to your potential Presidents, Zimbo and Krumm. After all, the speeches you hear today may inspire to become the kind of truly terrifying monsters the world needs to know and fear. If nothing else, keeping Master Ickis still for a few extra moments helps stave off potential disasters." the Gromble professed.

"You're still mad about me accidentally reversing the hot and cold faucets on your bathtub, aren't you, sir?" Ickis asked tentatively.

"Whatever makes you say that? It isn't every morning I get to wake up with blistering burns all over my belly." snapped the Gromble.

"The belt does a pretty good job of disguising it, honest!" Ickis assured him. Oblina gave him a little nudge to quiet down.

"Would you like a shovel Ickis, or do you enjoy digging yourself in deeper all by your lonesome?" she hissed.

"If there are no further INTERRUPTIONS, I would like Zimbo to please administer his preamble." the Gromble declared testily.

Zimbo flew over to the center stage. "A-hem. I am Zimbo and voting for me is a no-brainer because the other candidate has no brains! He is friends with Ickis, for crying out loud, what more evidence of his stupidity do you need? Also, it goes without saying, that he is poor and slovenly, hardly the sort of representative this Academy deserves. I, Zimbo, am the greatest Academy President that there ever could be. Look upon my works, ye Mighty and despair!" he announced.

"I see he left out modest!" jeered Ickis.

"Next, you shall hear from the opposing candidate, Krumm." the Gromble gestured dramatically in his introduction.

Krumm slowly walked onto the stage, and waved to his best friends. Ickis flashed a thumbs-up sign and Oblina nodded her head supportively. He pulled out the speech and began reading, enunciating slowly and clearly. "My fellow monsters..." Krumm began. "The world is very different now. Humans keep building arcades, and movie theatres, and outlet malls. The same scare techniques which are forbears utilized around the globe may not be adequate today, but we still hold those beliefs dear to our heart. We dare not forget the monsters who have gone before us, that we are the heirs of the fright revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Monsters, tempered by the Gromble's guidance, disciplined by a hard and bitter Snorching, proud of our ancient heritage, and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of the high standards to which this Academy has always been committed, and to which we are commited today. Let every monster know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall spend any toenails, complete any homework, face down any Monster Hunter, support any graceless or lazy friend, oppose any bully, in order to assure the survival or our species and the success of our scares. In your claws, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this Academy was founded, we have been summoned to give testimony to its upstanding Academy Pride. Now the belch summons us again, not as a call to go scaring, although that is fun, not as a call to read Monster Manuals, though that is always a good idea as some of us still need the practice, but a call to usher in a new President, the kind whose bottomless appetite for adventure and unflagging spirit will shine as an example for all who attend here. And so, my fellow monsters, ask not what the Academy can do for you, ask what you can do for your Academy. Vote Krumm!"

The entire audience burst into applause, with Oblina and Ickis contributing the most noise. They knew they'd done the right thing.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before they began to rethink their position.

"Well, whaddya think?" asked Ickis as held up a very large canvas.

Krumm scrutinized the painting thoroughly. "I don't know. You made my eyes too round, and you left out one of the pit hairs on my right side." complained Krumm.

"Eyes don't really come in many shapes besides circles." Ickis pointed out. "But I can fix the pit-hairs, no problem!"

"And couldn't you... I don't know... make me a little taller?" asked Krumm.

"That would ruin the accuracy of the portrait." insisted Ickis.

"Then just paint some smaller, stupider-looking monster next to me so I look better by comparison. You know how to draw yourself without screwing up too badly, right?" demanded Krumm.

Ickis' ears fell. "I'll go get the burgundy paint." he mumbled as he carried the canvas towards the dorm.

"Krumm! That was awfully rude!" scolded Oblina.

"I know. That painting didn't capture even a fraction of my hideousness. Ickis really blew that assignment." observed Krumm.

"I can think of several things that blow, and none of them have to do with Ickis' behavior today." she snarled.

"Think harder and it'll come to you, then. You used to be a smart girl, but I guess everyone has to fall from grace eventually." Krumm commented.

"Oh, I'm sure of it." Oblina wryly informed him.

But Krumm wasn't paying her any attention. Since he'd given that first speech, all the popular monster were paying attention to him. Most of the time he spent outside of class, he was followed by the girl posse of Horrifica, Dizzle, and Hairyette. Often they were flanked by the more outgoing boys Snav, Blib, and Gludge. Oblina knew she needed to have a serious talk with Krumm but despaired of ever getting him alone long enough for a proper dressing-down. It didn't help matters that she was becoming increasingly worried about Ickis. The little monster's sleep schedule was erratic at the best of time, and he was developing bags under his eyes, combined with an even-more-pronounced squint. Twice she'd had to forcibly drag him to the cafeteria to remind him to stop working and grab a bite to eat. And now he had taken to muttering "Do it again! Still not right!" at odd moments. The last occurence had happened during one of the Gromble's critiques on his lackluster looming, although the remark had actually netted Ickis a rare commendation for honesty. Still, she knew this couldn't go on.

"Krumm, Krumm, Krumm! I've done it, I really have!" Ickis exclaimed happily as he juggled 3 additional canvases in his arms.

"You've done something, but is it any good? I get so tired of you wasting my time, I'm a Very Important Monster now." Krumm loftily announced.

"I- I don't know what's good anymore! But this first one, it's kind of nice? Four portraits in one, that's four times the fun!" he squealed piteously as he handed Krumm a series of images highlighting the smelly monster in varying shades of neon orange, green, blue, and pink.

"Too colorful." Krumm snidely insulted.

"Okay, okay, there's this next one, you'll love it for sure!" Ickis pleaded. He had rendered a stylized black-and-white version of Krumm howling madly against a eerily shaded background.

"Not colorful enough." Krumm dismissed the effort.

"Do it again! Still not right! How bout something surreal then?" suggested Ickis. His final offering showed a rotund, green monster with a single eyeball waving hello, while underneath the new slogan promised 'We Scare Because We Care'.

"That's just garbage, and not even the kind I'd deign to eat." scoffed Krumm. "Throw those pitiful failures back into the pile with the OTHER rejects. And don't bother me again unless you're bringing me something worthwhile." He whirled around and started to walk away.

"But Krumm I-" Ickis tried to follow his friend, only to have Krumm casually shove the door backwards, where it slammed into Ickis' claws with a sickening crunch. "I-yi-yi-yi-yowch! My body my body my body! YEAAAGH!" he wailed.

"Ooh, Krumm. You're so spine-tingling. Can't you give us a little preview of your next speech?" wheedled Horrifica.

Krumm shook his head. "Sorry, it's gotta be a secret. Don't worry, you'll be just as awed by my greatness as everyone else will be. I am, after all, me." Krumm informed her. Privately, he was getting a little worried. His victory was all-but-guaranteed at this point and the Gromble still expected him to give his final speech. But Oblina wasn't here yet, and she had always prided herself on being punctual. Maybe Ickis' bad influence was starting to rub off on her. It was with a sigh of relief that he watched her stroll into view.

"Krumm. There is something we must talk about." Oblina told him.

"If it's an apology for your lateness, I s'pose I can be charitable and let it slide THIS time, but don't let it happen again." he informed her.

"Will you listen to yourself? You sound like such a conceited cretin! I am late because I was taking Ickis to the doctor so they could bandage his claws. He is in a tremendous amount of pain right now, and will be for the next 2 weeks. The only reason he is not here, standing beside me is that he insisted on looking for good seats for us!" snapped Oblina.

"Huh. Guess that means another painting is out of the question." Krumm observed. "Unless you want to try your hand at drawing stick-figures, Oblina, shouldn't be too hard for you."

"THAT'S IT!" Oblina tore the papers she was holding into tiny shreds. "Write your own speech, Krumm, we are through!" With a flourish she turned on her heel and stomped into the auditorium. Krumm rolled his eyes. Girls were so emotional, and you couldn't depend on them for anything. Here it was, THE most important night of his life and she was making him do all the work. He'd never seen anything so selfish in his life. He was still brooding when the Gromble called him out to give his closing arguments.

With an exaggerated sigh, Krumm stood in front of the podium and addressed the crowd. "I had a really nice speech planned out for tonight, or I would have if Oblina had bothered to write it for me. She's kind of a bad friend..." Krumm began to whine, and glared at her in the audience. She scowled right back at him, but then he noticed she was still wearing her 'Krumm eyeball' pin. Ickis was standing next to her, ackwardly trying to attach his own pin, one-handedly. Oblina seemed to reflexively reach over to grab his claws and complete the process for him. They were mad at him, but they had come anyway, and they still believed he could win. He felt both impressed and chagrined by their loyalty. "...a really bad friend because she didn't tell me how much of a jerk I've been acting. Oblina and Ickis did most of the work for this campaign, I'm just an ugly face. All that great stuff she wrote, I agree with it, but it wasn't my idea. I let everyone think it was though, and that was wrong. Sorry Oblina. And the paintings and campaign props were all Ickis' doing. I couldn't have made something like that even if I got a hold of flash-paper. I probly didn't need to make him redo them from so many angles and I should've took him to the doctor, when his claws got smashed. Sorry Ickis." Krumm lowered his eyes sheepishly. "I don't really have anything to add to that, except that I hope if anyone still has it in their guts to vote for me, that they'd realize I would try very hard to be better at being President than I was at being a friend this past week."

"You see, he admits to being terrible. Vote Zimbo, Vote Zimbo, I adore Zimbo!" hollered Zimbo desperately.

But the class was already giving Krumm a standing ovation. Oblina clapped harder than she'd ever remembered doing before, and Ickis, not wanting to be undone, jumped into the air, clamped 2 of his still-intact claws into his mouth and whistled so sharply that all 4 of the Gromble's shoes shattered.

"ICKIS! I AM SO TEMPTED TO BREAK YOUR OTHER ARM!" hollered the Gromble.

"Yeep." Ickis came crashing down. "Oblina, you know what I said before about not running?" he reminded her.

"Yes?" she whispered.

"Changed-my-mind-running-is-great-exercise-can-sav e-your-life-you-never-saw-me-gotta-go-go-go!" he yelled as he fled the auditorium before the Gromble could give chase.

The next day, the Gromble counted the votes and announced the winner. "By a score of 59-7, Krumm is this Academy's newest President!" he announced to his students' immense delight.

"Whaat? I knew we should have threatened more classmates." Zimbo groused. The Snorch muttered something in response. "What do you mean, it wouldn't have mattered, you still would have voted for Krumm?!" Zimbo demanded.

"Does this mean I get a pie now?" Krumm inquired.

"All you can eat." Ickis assured him. "It's one of the charter clauses."

"Congratulations Krummy, you shall be the best President the Academy ever had!" Oblina predicted.

"Second best. Dad had this position first." Ickis amended.

That suited Krumm just fine. ""I've always felt an affinity for Number Two." he agreed. Oblina shook her head, as she and Ickis began to walk away. "What, what did I say?" asked Krumm.

~~~The End.

Author's Note: I have always admired loyalty among friends and am glad that even at his worst, Krumm still retains that core element of his personality. It's a bit harder to see things from his POV sometimes, but I still feel he truly deserved to have a nice, Day In The Limelight Moment.


End file.
